Director; Tiaka Waititi. Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tessa Thompson. Rated: PG-13. Color. 119 Minutes.
If “Iron Man 3” did not already exist, “Thor: Love and Thunder” would easily be the worst MCU movie made so far. Director Tiaka Waititi and company are attempting to recapture the fun, lighthearted experience that was “Thor: Ragnarok”. Needless to say they failed miserably with this 2022 installment. The technical aspects, in particular the editing, is a mess. The screenplay barely passes as calling itself dialogue. And, other than Hemsworth, the collection of genuinely great actors feel as though they are floating around waiting for their paychecks to cash.
“Love and Thunder” is trying so hard to be fun from the start that it seems desperate as opposed to just being fun all on its own. As a result of the events from “Avengers: Endgame”, this new adventure picks up with our hero traveling the universe with the plucky Guardians of the Galaxy squad. Galavanting from planet to planet, Thor and crew save a blue alien race from annihilation. But the fun with Chris Pratt and company is like a blip as they are gone in no time and the ridiculously stupid plot begins.
From that point Thor travels to the new home of his people, New Asgard, and meets up with his old pal and new queen of the Asgardians Valkyrie (Tessa Thompson). There is also a shocking new ally, the God of Thunder’s old human ex-girlfriend Jane (Natalie Portman). Jane, not a god, somehow can harness Thor like strength as she is rocking the gods first hammer through some kind of “Space Viking” power, whatever that is, and is now The Mighty Thor. She is also dying of stage IV cancer, but still has one more adventure in her. The arrival of Jane creates this creepy love triangle between Thor and his two hammers as his first hammer now loves Jane. Can’t make this up.
Suddenly a new threat reveals itself. Gorr the God Butcher (Christian Bale) has been spending all of his angry time over the years going around killing off celestial beings with his magical “Necrosword” and the Thor’s are his next target. Gorr is pissed about his daughters death which he blames on his own former god. The main reason Gorr is after The God of Thunder is because Thor’s new hammer is the key to opening some magical realm for some reason that could possibly bring him peace.
Orphaned for years now, Thor stumbles upon the legendary Zeus (Russell Crowe). For some reason Crowe plays Zeus with the most offensively stupid robust gay accent. Yet another element that is heinous with “Love and Thunder”. Thor needs Zeus’s plastic lighting bolt in order to have any chance of defeating Gorr.
The final climactic showdown has the one genuinely good scene and the one dumbest scene in “Love and Thunder”. When the Thors go to throw down with God Butcher they enter a world without color. When they have a singular conversation, Hemsworth, Portman, and Bale show what three great actors can do when they are actually dialed in together. No direction needed. On the opposite side of the spectrum, one of the dumbest fights takes place. Gorr has kidnapped a bunch of kids from New Asgard. Original Thor uses his power over thunder to infuse these random kids with godly power for the fight against a bunch of faceless CGI creatures. A group of middle school children with their newly infused glowing orange eyes are the key to defeating Gorr and his army. And let us not forget, girl Thor shows back up just in time to save guy Thors life. I’m all for fantasy, but all of that sounds a bit farfetched for me.
Everyone in the creative movie world throughout history deserves a pass. They can’t all nock it out of the park. Other than “Endgame” and the original “Guardians” movies, I personally wouldn’t call this franchise stellar. But most of the MCU films do have their moments. In the kaleidoscopic world that is Marvel, “Love and Thunder” is bottom of the barrel.
SUCK FACTOR: 6 out of 7 (7 Means Your Movie Really SUCKS!)
The SUCK FACTOR! How it works. We have flipped the script on the standard rating system. If you make an instant classic such as “The Godfather”, you receive a perfect 0 SUCKS! If you make absolute garbage, such as a Michael Bay film, your movie receive the abysmal 7 out of 7, meaning your movie really SUCKS!
Greg Squared Films 