Director: Matt Reeves. Starring; Robert Pattinson, Zoe Kravitz, Paul Dano. Rated PG-13. Color. 185 Minutes.
Perhaps the greatest and most iconic lines in the decades long Batman franchise was uttered by the late great Heath Ledger; “WHY SO SERIOUS”? Apparently director Matt Reeves did not understand that was a part of an overarching superhero movie plot point and instead decided to make a movie that is “WHY SO SERIOUS”! on steroids. From the brooding new Batman (not Robert Pattinson’s fault) to the villain with no motivation to the nonsensical action scenes, if that is what you would like to call them, “The Batman” is a three hour snooze-fest that wants to be a crime thriller, I think?
The latest rendition of Bruce Wayne is played by Pattison (who has come a long way from “Twilight” BTW). Bruce AKA Batman is working alongside the Gotham police department, particularly with Commissioner Gordon (Jeffrey Wright). From the get-go Batman is unrelenting in his struggle to clean up the streets that mob bosses Oz AKA ‘The Penguin’ (Colin Farrell) and Carmine Falcone (John Tutorro) have created. Why is the Penguin even in this movie escapes me. Mixed in between several underwhelming fights scenes in which the bad guys with automatic weapons who never seem to shoot Batman in the face instead of his bulletproof suite comes the Riddler.
Staying on brand, the BROODING Paul Dano shows up with this make shift tape mask, complete with goggles that look like a scientist going into a nuclear disaster. I am not trying to compare this film to Christopher Nolan’s classic “The Dark Knight”. Reeves is literally doing it for me as well as the audience and fails miserably. How the Riddler was able to get all of these pieces of bad people in Gotham together is a mystery, pun intended.
The other two big pieces are Catwoman (Zoe Kravitz) and of course the butler Alfred (Andy Serkis). Kravitz exudes the intoxicating sexuality the character requires, but in action scenes the filmmakers put a sock with a hole cut out as a mask. Really? As for Andy Serkis, you have your skills on screen. You are not an Alfred. One would assume Michael Cane and Jeremy Irons are rolling their eyes with this turn on the character. Stay in your lane Serkis.
While it is not the worst showing for the superhero (“Batman & Robin” wins that forever), “The Batman” is simply a weak effort. The chase scene with the broke ass bat mobile is boring other than one explosion. The villains have zero charisma or scare factor. There is a place for fun as well as dark superhero films if they are done well. I’m fairly sure “The Batman” producers do not understand the term “if done well”.
Suck Factor: 5 out of 7 (7 Means Your Movie Really SUCKS!)
The SUCK FACTOR! How it works. We have flipped the script on the standard rating system. If you make a masterpiece like “The Godfather” for example your film receives 0 SUCKS! If you make absolute garbage like any Michael Bay, you receive a perfect 7 because your movie truly SUCKS!
Greg Squared Films 