Director; Michael Chaves. Starring; Linda Cardellini, Raymond Cruz, Patricia Velasquez. Rated R. Color. 93 Minutes.
Horror movies are no doubt the worst genre for me. Almost always completely illogical are these films minus a few exceptions. And still, every once a while a movie in the genre comes along that achieves serious critical acclaim despite being terrible. I wanted to see “The Curse of La Llorona” due to the praise online. If a horror flick is good I am down for the ride. I do not know what movie others saw, but “La Llorona” is hands down one of the most ridiculously stupid movies ever made. From kids trapped in a closet in the opening to a gowned ghost terrorizing families, the “horror” is cheesy and the racial undertones are down right offensive. Thank goodness a white woman can save the day.
The film begins with Anna (Linda Cardellini), a children’s social worker who is rushing to a home where a single mother has a history or drug abuse/mental health. Patricia (Patricia Velasquez) has locked her two kids in the bedroom closet. Anna convinces the police officer accompanying to stay back as she knows the family throughout her time at work. She cares most for the health and safety when it comes to the children, but momma Patricia insists that she is protecting them from “La Llorona”. Ordered by authorities, the kids are removed and their mother is arrested.
Turns out mama Alvarez was not simply messed up in the head. The spirit that is “La Llorona” was a crazed mother that drowned her own children back in the day simply out of spite. Once the demon attaches herself to another group of kids to kill in a family then you are screwed. Apparently guilt is best lifted by more killing as this movie tries to somehow justify the ghost’s motivation.
There is nothing redeemable here. “La Llorona” has pop scares that will have your teenage girlfriend cowering in your arms. That is about all.. Visually, the movie is plain ugly from camera work to production design. And do not get me started on how idiotic the screenplay is. I would rather a spirit haunt my family in real life as opposed to how “The Curse of La Llorona” is haunting my psyche right now.
Suck Factor: 7 out of 7 (7 Means Your Movie Really SUCKS!)
The Suck Factor, how it works. We have flipped the rating system upside-down. If a film is a classic it gets 0 SUCKS. If it is complete trash, such as a Michael Bay movie, you receive a straight 7 SUCKS!