“Avengers: Endgame” (2019) Movie Review

Dir; Joe and Anthony Russo. Starring; Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo. PG-13. Color. 181 min.
Never before have I seen a movie so akin to a greatest hits album quite like “Avengers: Endgame”. It is like going to buy an album at a record store, or I suppose on Spotify now, and grabbing say Adele’s top tracks collection without taking a listen to some of her best singular albums. Every character, and I mean every character, pops in for a spurt during the three hour run time. Trust me, nobody actually died in the last outing. But I would like to take “Endgame” a step further and compare it to the end of a great misguided romance for both fans and critics.
It all began in 2008 with the original “Iron Man” starring Robert Downey Jr. The film was silly, particularly Jeff Bridges‘ performance as he yelled “HOW IRONIC TONY!” in a CGI metal suit. Yet it drew us in and made people think that you know what, yeah, I would take this movie into bed with me.
Then came Captain America, the Hulk, and Thor. Characters whom were not the smartest but had morals to help non-comic fans build a stable relationship. Picture dating an athlete who’s actually a good dude.
All of this culminated (or should I say climaxed, not sure if kids are reading) in the original “The Avengers” movie. Oh my goodness was it a sight to see all of these beloved heroes killing random aliens. Similar to when you get past the point of saying I love you and asking “can we move in together?”
Afterwards the individual sequels arrived and there were ups and downs in the relationship. “Thor: the Dark World” was a disaster that shook our emotional bond while “Guardians of the Galaxy” was perhaps the most unlikely high point in our time as a couple in which we made sensual love with a raccoon and a tree in all the right ways. “Age of Ultron” came and went, pun intended, like a less than satisfying hotel room getaway.
More sequels and spin-off characters were introduced before “Avengers: Infinity War”, which was basically an I’m leaving you joke with the snap in which Thanos killed off half the superheroes even though the majority of which already had sequels planned. A classic “I’M LEAVING YOU!” move when you know that your partner is going to be back in an hour or two after driving around in the rain.
This brings us to “Endgame”. It pulls on your heartstrings with an emotional opening where Hawkeye watches his family die. The original band gets back together in hopes of rewriting history. At this point spoiler alert;
Try to keep up here. Thor kills Thanos. Yay! Five years later everyone is depressed more than an emo singer on valentines day. Thor is a fat drunk. A random sewer rat gets into Ant-Man’s trailer and steps on a controller to release the funny hero from the phantom realm. Still with me?
The Hulk has somehow channelled his powers and is now a constant large green CGI Mark Ruffallo whom talks normally and  apparently has a tailor that can make sweater vests in the plus plus plus plus sized collection. He has also developed chest hair which you naturally do as a giant green monster who cannot be killed. That is what the ladies like.
Finally comes the time traveling to retrieve the infinity stones which is the romance you thought was “the one” coming to an end. Characters are sent to different moments and locations in time from previous films to protect the stones. Perhaps the most ridiculous being Captain America fighting, you guessed it, Captain America only younger, or older? For a fandom relationship to a franchise this simplistic, the time travel stuff has more plot holes in it than the Terminator franchise on steroids.
Our story ends with a climactic battle where literally every character is going at it and admittedly this is very well done in terms of spectacle. You know what is going to happen. Those whom already have sequels in the works are going to live while those whom’s contracts are up are toast. Yet the battle itself is thrilling and actors leaving the decade long series are allotted a proper sendoff given the subject matter.
Which brings me back to my original point of the MCU films being a great/not so great romance. When you walk out of the theater it is easy to pick all of the films apart because they are not good 90% of the time. But as a whole one cannot help but look back on the love affair and find the strangest little things that captivated you. So for all of the bad stuff, I wish you all the best MCU. Just don’t make the next phase in your juggernaut franchise the rebound girl and maybe give us something to love for real.
Suck Factor: 4 out of 7 (7 means your movie really SUCKS!)
Written by Byrd
The SUCK FACTOR, how it works. We have flipped the rating system upside down. If a film is classic, it gets a 0. Meaning that movie has 0 SUCKS. If a film is complete trash you must avoid at all costs, it gets a 7, meaning this movie really SUCKS!

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